Choice of image: Pretty important

I saw this at the theater the other day as I was leaving the Incredible Hulk. Apparently, Love is about strangling your baby.

Seriously, though. Did these people not have access to a less disconcerting photograph for this particular advertisement?

Firkin Russians!

Okay, but seriously. Isn't the SU-47 the sexiest aircraft you've ever seen in your life? Sorry, F-22... you're pretty and all. But she's more beautiful!

This makes me want to be Russian.

10 Things I liked about Revenge of Meta Knight!

I decided to take a page out of the book of I-Mockery and create a top ten list, since that's how I roll.

Anyway...

In 1996 (?) Nintendo released Kirby Super Star. It was one of the last games on the Super NES, and as such, didn't really get the attention it deserved. The game boasted "eight games in one!", but each game really only lasted about an hour of so of play time (except for The Great Cave Offensive, which you could be playing for weeks trying to find all the treasure). Of course, that doesn't mean that it wasn't a fun game, of course, and it's pretty much the only Kirby game I ever recommend anyone go out and find, like right now, i mean go get it. Seriously.

Probably the best Minigame of the lot is Meta Knight's Revenge, where Kirby has to stop Meta Knight from taking over Dream Land with his giant flying battleship. It was a marginally dark turn for a series that usually focuses its attention on turning cute, fluffy critters into star-shaped matter that explodes. With this list, I want to showcase a few of the little tidbits I liked from playing it over and over again, as I do so often.

1 - Meta Knight wants to be a Communist Dictator!

Meta Knight is an awesome villain in this subgame, and when he delivers the line on the right, I can't help but imagine the cute blob citizens of dreamland working hard in factories to supply the populace of the United Soviet State of Meta Knight, eagerly awaiting their ubiquitously equal rations and payment for the glory of their people. You see, Meta Knight doesn't want to rule with an iron fist, just with a sickle and hammer. Or a sword and a cape that turns into freaking bat wings, But that's another matter entirely. I can easily imagine that Meta Knight simply wants to turn Dream Land from a place full of lazy people who spend most of their days sleeping, playing and being harassed by King Dededededede into a glorious industrialized nation. Considering the Current Ruler's method of dominion, I for one would embrace the new mask-wearing labor overlord.

2 - The Bird Captain!

The Captain of the Halberd is this Bird guy who goes nameless and is just kind of there for the sole purpose of shouting orders at Meta Knight's Meta-Knights (It's true. He named his organization after himself. Of course, considering the extremely common occurance of this in the corporate world, it's hardly surprising). Anyway, Birdcaptain Man, as he shall now be known, is so full of Hubris that he probably belonged in the Greek Pantheon of Gods as the sheer embodiment of it. So stricken by assurance is Birdcaptain man that he deploys his Gold-Plated crustacean robot, Heavy Lobster, in the heart of his own ship, destroying key structures holding the vessel together. All for the purpose of making sure Kirby bites the dust:

Way to go, BC-M. Way to go.

3 - The Friggin' Halberd!

Probably cooler than the fact that he's trying conquer Dream Land is the fact that Meta Knight is doing it in a colossal battleship. At first it would seem that such a thing would be ludicrous - taking over land with one ship? Well, take a look at the Bismarck. In World War II, it was the big German bully of the seas that pretty much came along, screwed everything up for you, and then left you to die in the Atlantic thinking "wtf was that?!?" It took several ships to even get the thing to slow down, it was that evil. Now, take that, multiply the size by... oh, let's say two, and make it fly. You have the Halberd, which, I might add, has nothing else trying to stop it except Kirby, which unfortunately pretty much just screws things up right there.

4 - They Killed Dynablade!

This is pretty much the part of the game where you come to realize that Meta Knight isn't goofing around and that he's seriously playing for keeps. When Kirby hitches a ride from the baby of a bird he fended off in the previous Kirby Super Star subgame, The Halberd opens fire on it and shoots it down.

Never mind the fact that the thing is the size of a Semi truck and that its wings are pretty much razor-sharp blades of death - they shot a freaking bird! A living, breathing, molting bird! It's not often that gigantic battleships fire on animals, but the moment they do, you know they mean business. The fact that the bird shakes a little before falling to earth doesn't make matters any better.

5 - The Waddle Dee Ensign!

Ask any Star Trek fan how they feel about Wesley Crusher. Go on, ask them. Chances are you aren't going to get much of a positive response. That being said, if Star Trek: The Next Generation took place on the Halberd, Ensign Crusher would probably be played by Mr. Waddle Dee in a Sailor's Cap here:Mr.WDSC must be a new transfer Ensign from another axe-named battleship in Meta Knight's extensive (read: one ship) navy, and probably doesn't know the ins and outs of being on a vessel that's supposed to be ruining a bright, peaceful landscape with bullets and explosions. Unlike Wes Crusher, however, at least he's cute and helpful, planting non-subtle hints which makes me believe that he might just be a double agent for Kirby.

6 - Funny Parts!

Of course, it's a Kirby game, meaning it's primarily geared towards kids. The fact that, at age 18, I still love the game goes directly against demographics, but what are you gonna do? The fact that Revenge of Meta Knight doesn't take itself seriously absolutely all of the time is one of its strengths. It makes the serious parts all that more important. See the following points.

7 - Meta Knight is Thankful!

After Kirby takes care of the Halberd's reactor, the crap hits the fan for the crew. All non-essential personnel and Birdcaptain Man high-tail it out of there, while Meta Knight and company make a last-ditch effort to stop Kirby, since that's all they can do now that their ship is a smoldering wreckage on a collision course with the ocean. The dialogue here is actually pretty interesting, since Meta Knight actually seems to care for his subordinates, who wish to stay on the ship with him until the job is done.

"Guys"! It's not everyday that a blood-thirsty warmonger calls his minions by "guys". Translation error or no, that just kind of made my heart fuzzy to think that Meta Knight, despite wanting to rule the world, is still loyal to the people who help him. When I played this game as a kid, I never thought villains could ever have tender moments, and yet, this one just got to me.

8 - "Prepare to Die!"

This game came out in 1996, a time when censorship was rampant in just about all media. TV shows like Spider-Man had cops shooting weird laser guns instead of magnums, and people said "destroy" instead of "kill". And yet, kid game Kirby Super Star had the gravitas to have a villain shout a final defiant phrase that included the word that means "to buy the farm":

If at this point in the game you forgot that Meta Knight is ready to do anything to make sure he can get rid of Kirby, this is what anchors you back from any doubts you had. I see all these Kirby fans saying that Meta Knight isn't really an antagonist to Kirby, obviously forgetting the time where HE FREAKING TELLS KIRBY THAT HE'S GOING TO MAKE HIM MEET THE GRIM REAPER IN A PAINFUL, CUT-INVOLVED WAY.

9 - The Escape!

After you defeat Meta Knight and find out that he looks almost exactly like Kirby...

an explosion launches you onto a Wheelie, whom you have to ride to escape the exploding battleship. All the while, you're being chased by a now-winged Meta Knight, who still isn't finished with you yet:

Sure, it's your typical escape scene, but that doesn't make it any less memorable. After single-handedly destroying a gigantic flying battleship, the best thing is, of course, the gtfo and save yourself, and what better way than on a motorized tire that you barely know?

10 - The Ending!

Oh, goodness, the ending. RoMK doesn't end with a peppy celebration and the thankyous of a thousand residents of Dreamland. No, you simply see Kirby watching the Halberd fall to its watery grave while a somber song plays that could give "The Lonely Man's theme" from the Incredible Hulk a run for its money . If you look closely, you can see Meta Knight escaping the wreckage, proof that you just can't keep the guy down. You don't often see melancholy endings in these kinds of games, but this one is definitely a gem. If Revenge of Meta Knight was a full game, I imagine this kind of ending would absolutely make it.


So that does it for this list. I may do a similar list based on the Great Cave Offensive, another Sub-Game of Kirby Super Star, so yeah.

SO YEAH.

I'm listening to George Benson in class, typing in this blog. I've got nothing to do.

Well, that's a lie. I have an article to write for newspaper. But seriously... nothing!

ART!!!!!!!!

Cloverfield.

I ended up watching this movie alone, and I bet it was for the better. My friends aren't really into shows that don't end well for the characters (they hated I Am Legend only because it was sad).

I liked Cloverfield. It's nice to see a film that takes an original spin on the monster-movie genre, and everything about the homemade/ground-up movie camera feel works and adds more credibility to the monster, which we only really see glimpses of throughout the movie until the end, where you see it in full. I kind of wish Godzilla would get this kind of treatment.

One way to judge a good action movie is if you can get a good idea of where everyone is throughout the action scenes. Considering that the camera never switches, it does this very well, and you feel a part of the action the whole way through. As I got into my car afterwards, I was wary of giant bugs and a lumbering behemoth out to kill me - the movie was that engaging.

Anyway, that review sounded like every other review for Cloverfield, but I promised I would post more, so, yeah.

It's a Brand New Day

Well, I guess this whole Spider-Man event thing is gonna get me posting again. Fancy that!

Now, I'm absolutely sure I have the exact same views as most other Spider-Fans do on this One More Day / Brand New Day issue: it's pretty sucky. I just thought I'd get my words out there to add to the growing outrage.

Honestly, Joe Quesada, I don't hate you. I don't want you to die, nor do I think you're a bumbling buffoon. However, I do think you have no effing idea what you are talking about when you shout your defense that the destruction of Spidey's marriage will make him more relatable to the younger ones. Spidey is now 30-something years old. How are they supposed to relate to that?

And since when was Spidey only relatable as a single? Spidey doesn't have appeal because he's single, he has appeal because he's the "everyman" in a universe of superheroes who could destroy half a building if they so chose. He's a little guy trying his best and doing what he knows is right, even if all he can do is kick, punch and web things. He's proof positive that even little people can accomplish great things. He's just a normal kid who grew up in queens and was picked on all his life (something that appealed to the kids reading Spider-Man in the first place). Superman and Batman aren't very relatable, and yet, people still read their stories.

And since when does the youth readership matter anymore? The only place anyone can really get monthy comics anymore are in, well, comic shops, and there can only be so many children leaving near comic shops. I specifically dislike Quesada's denouncing of the geeky readership, sometimes provoking them to leave and stop being losers, since the only people who should be reading Spidey comics are kids. Gawd.

I might have some thoughts later but... eh.

I'll post some more. I promise!

Next-Gen

Also I have totally neglected to mention my presence on Next-Gen Design, which happens to be a lego website. Go now!